Self Awareness

This last week was a long one...all my babies were sick with hand, foot, and mouth. If you don't know what that is be so grateful. But basically it's a lot like really nasty chicken pox located on the hands, feet, and mouth of the child instead of the trunk of the body. Super yucky, super contagious, super miserable.

So when it came time for me to leave for my super team health coaching event, I was more than ready to take a break from daily life. What I didn't realize was how much I would really grow from the whole experience. Sure I thought it would be nice to meet other Take Shape for Life Health Coaches. Sure I thought I would learn more about our business. Sure I thought I would enjoy the time away. Sure I thought I would be uplifted. But I didn't realize how it would touch me to my core... to my soul.

As I drove to and from Midway, Utah, I listened to a book on CD. It was Julie De Azevedo Hank's book The Burnout Cure. Whether you share our faith or not, I highly recommend her book. Seriously... I think I might buy a copy for everyone in my family. It's about staying emotionally healthy, so we don't become burnt out. I've been doing a lot of reading/talking/researching about emotions. Emotions just are. They just are a part of us. They just happen. They are neither good nor bad. They just are. And I'm learning to embrace that I am human being created to feel a whole spectrum of emotions and that's perfectly fine and perfectly normal. But I am also becoming aware of how I can train my brain to choose to act in a positive, healthy way to any emotion that I feel. Sometimes the emotion and the reaction to the emotion are so intertwined, habitual, and hard wired into my brain that it feels like I don't have a choice other than the reaction that occurs. Part of the reason why I liked her book so much is that she asks introspective questions that help the reader to be more thoughtful and become more aware of his or her whys and beliefs held. Without understanding where we have been we can't fully understand how to get to where we want to go.

When I got to the Homestead Resort Friday morning, I texted Ben and told him I was out of my comfort zone. His response... It's good for you. I rolled my eyes at him, not that he could see, and texted back that it was probably true. The morning got under way and our speaker, Dave Blanchard, was introduced. As he began to speak to us, I felt like he was speaking to me and to my heart. Some times it amazes me how everything lines up so well. That this thing lead to that which lead to this which lead to this which lead to that which lead to me being here listening to him speak. I just felt like so much of what he had to say was a culminating point that needed to happen so I could shift my thinking and be ready for what's to come.

One of the first things he talked about was our shells we create and the load we carry and drag behind us. So me... my little introverted self, likes my shell... Lachelle likes her shell! It feels safe there because I'm not putting myself out there to take a risk. And if there is no risk, there is safety... no pain, no hurt, right?


And for a long time, I have carried a bag full of weight around. At times I felt like certain things dictated who I am to a certain extent... not so much that I couldn't choose for myself, but more that the cards were stacked against me and I couldn't escape them.  Things like my family genetics, how I was or wasn't raised, my past mistakes and choices, etc. all weighed on me heavy at times. 

But I've been learning that I am not the past and I am not my past. I am not the obstacles. In fact, as Dave said the obstacles are often the way. The very thing we have been resisting is often the way and the answer. Life happens either way. Hard things come no matter what. That is how we grow. That is how we change.

As I spent Friday morning listening to Dave Blanchard, he put so many of my recent thoughts into eloquent words, and I was once again reminded I always have a choice. As I cultivate awareness about myself and where I have come from, I can do two things: One, use it as an excuse and let it turn me into a victim of my circumstances. Or two, embrace it, and use it to serve the lives of others. I'd much rather be serving and loving another than feeling sorry for myself. I'm also starting to think I'd rather have a say in what risks I place my heart in, instead of waiting for life to deal out it's own lessons on my behalf. ;) Not to say we always get to choose (cancer, death of a loved one, loss of a job, and many other events in life are not by choice), but I'd rather actively choose what I can instead of always waiting to react to what is dealt. 

This picture symbolizes so much of my thoughts and feelings for the weekend.

I am choosing to embrace all of me.. all of my past and history, all of my emotions (past, present, and future), all my strengths, all my weaknesses, all of the physical, mental, and emotional sides of me... all of me. Then with the self awareness that comes when I am truly honest with myself and embrace ALL parts of me, I am given more power to choose. I know where I have been so I can make a plan for how I'm going to get to where I want to go. I can choose to love it, leave it, make peace with it, forgive it, forget it, change it, fix it, rewire it, rewrite it... to create it. I'm giving myself permission to create the best me, to create my best life, to create what's best for my family. 

I loved this quote that Dave Blanchard shared.

Just watch... I'm going to create. And I hope with all my heart that as you view my journey, you'll view yours, and you'll give yourself the same permission. You are meant to become and to create. And as we let go of what we are dragging, let our shells and walls down, we'll share our heart of hearts and take each other by the hands and together we'll create a better world... one that is based on true love for one's self and for others. Or as a Dave likes to say, Agape love.