SO I have to admit that I hate most quotes regarding gratitude. Not that they aren't good quotes. Not that I disagree with what they are saying. (In fact, I usually agree). Not that I don't think gratitude is important. (It absolutely is). "Why do you hate them then?" you ask. Easiest answer. GUILT. When I read these quotes on reminders to be grateful, I often feel that the anxiety/depression I feel must somehow be my fault. If only I were more grateful. I must not be a grateful person. Maybe I'm not counting my blessings enough. Maybe I'm not enough.
Lies. Lies. Lies. ALL. LIES. Here is the truth. Control of your mental illness or the difficult situation you are going through is not contingent upon your level of gratitude or your ability to express that gratitude. Now don't get me wrong, it's an important part of overcoming and healing, but you can have a grateful heart and still struggle.
Let me give you a brief example. Almost a year ago, my oldest son nearly drown. Finding his body and living those few minutes where I thought I would have to live without him where awful... to say the least. Part of the results of that experience was PTSD. It has been one of the most challenging times in my life. Even a year later, I still am living with some of the residual effects of that emotional trauma though I am working through them. But the flip side is... this is also a time when my heart was overflowing with gratitude and awareness that God was/is in the details. I won't list every single blessing that came, but know they did come. Here are a few though. 1) I knew I needed to look for Gavin. 2) We were able to revive him poolside. (They said he wouldn't have made it otherwise.) 3) I was with family, so I knew the rest of my kids were safe as I left in an ambulance to be with Gavin. 4) I literally felt the power of prayer on our behalf by I don't even know how many people... so many. 5) SO many generous loving people that aided our family with calls, food, gifts for Gavin, and more. 6) Kind, non-judgemental medical staff. 7)The life of my son.
It is possible to grateful and to be hurting too. It just is. So here's my suggestion... instead of thinking that gratitude is an instant fix and life is suddenly cheery and bright, we need to realize that gratitude is a tool. A process.
How gratitude really works (at least from what I've experienced):
The Bandage - At first, gratitude is first aide ointment and a bandage. If the wound is small enough, the ointment and the bandage may be enough. For most day to day things... a little time and gratitude truly can be enough. For larger wounds, it takes away the worst of the sting and covers the pain, so we can start to heal and maybe even forget from time to time that we have a wound. Gratitude is the aide not the wound. The wound can still hurt even when the ointment and bandage are present.
The Magnifying Glass - When a wound hurts so much that a little bit of first aide isn't enough, we have to find a new way to use gratitude as a new tool. We need to get to the heart of the wound and ask ourselves what do I need to heal? Gratitude, love, and truth come to our aide to help us examine the lies and false beliefs that we tell ourselves. They help us find ways to help us get help, heal, and change, and it is tailored just for us. Maybe it's being outdoors, meditation, yoga, running, exercise, medication, prayer, service, therapy, art/creativity, music, or any other number of things or combinations thereof. It isn't a quick fix. Sometimes the healing of a wound can be just as painful as the infliction of the wound. And more than likely there will be a scar.
The Catalyst - Scars seem to generally carry two responses: bragging rights or shame. Gratitude can be the means to change our perception of the scar from one of shame to a badge of honor for overcoming our battle. We can share the stories of our scars with love for ourselves and find that in coping with the wound, we have worked and strengthened other parts of body that wouldn't have been otherwise.
The Scale - It doesn't change the fact that it happened. It doesn't change the fact that we felt pain. It allows us to find balance. To find purpose in the darkness, pain, and suffering. Sometimes wounds never heal. Sometimes scars can hurt. And in life we often end up with more wounds or more than one wound at a time. Pain, suffering, and despair are part of the human experience. But so are hope, joy, and love. Gratitude is our friendly reminder that in spite of hardships and trials, darkness and pain that there is goodness and joy, light and healing. And most importantly, no matter what, we are enough. We always have been. We always will be.
