An Important Part, but Not ALL

If from the last post, you assume I don't find motherhood fulfilling, I want to clarify. Being a stay-at-home mom was what I always wanted to do, even when people told me I was wasting my degree and my abilities. Being a stay-at-home mom is still my ultimate goal in life. But my perspective has changed. It is an important part (and the main part) of what I want to do with my life, but it isn't ALL of whom I am, who I want to be, or what I want to do.

Motherhood is magical, wonderful, awe-inspiring, miraculous, amazing, fulfilling, and all those other positive associated emotions. But motherhood is also tiring, boring, tedious, monotonous, disgusting and smelly (Oh children and their bodily functions...), lonely, and all those other negative associated emotions. Motherhood like any human experience or any job can range in a whole spectrum of feelings and emotions. My fellow CEO and I don't always see eye to eye. My little co-workers can cause drama. Sometimes my lunch mysteriously disappears from the break room... even as I'm eating it. Some times though, things click, and a project goes really well and on time and on budget. Overall we are a successful little business, but we're a start up. We're still figuring things out. We're not perfect. And in those moments it's easy to get lost in the day to day and not see annual returns starting to create a profit.

I also used to think that being a wife and mother had to be my only venture. I was supposed to give it my all (and I still think I should), but that if I desired more than that, it was selfish of me.

For example, when I first got married, I taught school. My husband was still in school. He worked part time, but I was the major breadwinner in our family. When I chose to stay home, it was an adjustment. I was no longer financially making a contribution to our family. I struggled with that and continue to struggle with that.

I want to help create financial security and abundance for my family. But I feel like that through our culture, my culture, I've been subtly taught that I'm selling myself short for wanting to be a mom, and that if I do become a mom, being at home with the kids should be enough. I shouldn't work. I shouldn't make money. I shouldn't want to do those things. And then I feel guilty. Why, because I am a woman, have I been made to feel guilty about earning an income? It is still possible to be an active, involved parent and work... my husband does it. In fact, he needs that part of his life. We've discussed people we know who have "retired" their husbands. That's awesome for them, but it's not what we would choose to do in that situation because he needs the work outside of the home to help meet some of his needs. Yet no one blinks an eye when he is providing for his family and finding validation in the work he does outside of our home and outside of his role as a father.  But why do women get looked down upon when they search out ways outside of the home to meet some of their other needs?

Do I think there are benefits to my staying home? Absolutely. Do I want to work outside of the home full time? Not really. I do help teach preschool twice a week in the morning, and that's plenty for me. Do I want to create other opportunities to use my talents and earn an income? Yes. But that does not mean that I have to put my motherhood in jeopardy to do so. Will sacrifices occasionally have to be made? Of course, but that's life. Finding balance is a continual act that shifts and changes with the tides and the seasons of life. I don't expect to "have it all", especially not all of the time. But why does it have to be all or nothing?

  

I am learning that it is perfectly fine to want to be a successful mother AND a successful person. And I have some great examples of mothers doing just that. A sister who is successfully nurturing her blog into a profitable business. Friends who balance mommy-dom with side businesses of photography, Etsy shops, essential oils, health businesses, and more. And there are others who work full time, some from need and some from choice, and they are good mothers too... Sometimes accomplishing more in their shortened time with their children than I do in my full day with mine. Do any of them do it all perfectly? No, but I don't either. No one does... male or female.

I am grateful I have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom. It isn't possible for everyone. My family is truly my world. BUT I'm also grateful that I am beginning to understand that I shouldn't have to feel guilty about wanting to expand my world. As I expand, grow, and beautify my world, if God and my family are at the center, then my family benefits too. So tell me again how that is a bad thing?